1.Orange County Lumber Truck, Part 1
2.Orange County Lumber Truck, Part 2
FZ：I've been informed that when the guy comes out that beats the
gong we have to stop playing, because the subways around here
shut down early. We'd like to thank you very much for coming to
our concert and say goodnight. Nighty night, thank you.
3.Didja Get Any Onya
MOO-AHHH
MOO-AHHH
MOO-AHHH
Lowell：Years ago in Germany when I was a very small boy, zere
was a lot of people standing around on ze corners asking
questions：'Why are you standing on ze corner, acting ze way you
act, looking like you look？ WHY DO YOU LOOK THAT WAY？' And they
ask me and I only would say：'I don't... I don't know, I'm just
standing 'round ze corner waiting here... just in... in ze
evening, and... and it's so nice outside... the night is so
nice... why... are you just asking these questions...'
Didja
Get any
Onya onya onya onya...
(Onya...)
MOO-AHHH
MOO-AHHH
MOO-AHHH
MOO-AHHH
4.Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue
5.Dwarf Nebula Processional March ＆ Dwarf Nebula
6.Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkins
Mothers Of Invention
Absolutely Free
Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkins
---------- --- ------ ----- -- --- ----- --------
(Instrumental)
7.Uncle Meat： Main Title Theme
(Instrumental)
FZ：Ah! I know the perfect thing to accompany this man's trumpet.
None other than...
The Mighty ＆ Majestic Albert Hall Pipe Organ!
Guy in the audience：Right!
FZ：You understand that you won't be able to hear the organ once
we turn the amplifiers up . . . Awright, Don？ . . . Whip it on
'em! . . . 'Louie Louie'! They like it loud too, you know？
FZ： Let's hear again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!
God Bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her,
And guide her,
Through the night
With the light from Above
Yeah!
Ian：My name is Ian Underwood and I am the straight member of the
group
(Ha ha ha!)
Suzy：Wowie Zowie!
Ian：One month ago I heard The Mothers of Invention at the
theater. I heard them on two occasions, and on the second
occasion I went up to Jim Black and I said, 'I like your music,
and I'd like to come down and play with you.' Two days later I
came up to the recording session, and Frank Zappa was sitting in
the control room. I walked up and said, 'How'd you do, my name
is Ian Underwood and I like your music and I'd like to play with
your group.' Frank Zappa says, 'What can you do that's
fantastic？' I said, 'I can play alto saxophone and piano.' He
said, 'All right, whip it out.'
11.Mr Green Genes
Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans ＆ celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
Magnificent
With sauerkraut
Mmmmmmmm
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo
Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
Your bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck ＆ driver
And his gloves
Nutritiousness
Deliciousness
Worthlessness
12.If We'd All Been Living In California
FZ：Ok？ Now if you still want to get your name in magazines he
wants five hundred dollars a month!
JCB：Where does it come from？ We worked one gig this month. And
now, so, what do we get, two hundred dollars for this gig up
here, if we're lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred. And
it'll be two weeks before we get it. Probably. I mean a- . . .
after all, uh . . . what is all this shit in the, uh, in the
newspaper？ We sh-, if we got such a big name, how come, uh . . .
we're. . .
FZ：That shit in the news . . .
JCB：We're starving, man! This f＊＊king band is starving! And
we've been starving for three years. I realize it takes a long
time, but God damn does it take another five, ten years from
now？
FZ：There's some months when you're not gonna work as much as
other months. There's some months when you're gonna make a lot
of money, and if you average it out, you do make more than two
hundred dollars a month.
JCB： Expenses are sure high, too. If we'd all been living in
California, it would've been different.
FZ： If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't work at
all!
JCB： Ah that's -- true . . . Well, we're not working n-now
anyway! We worked one gig this month, Frank! What's wrong with
getting two months in a row of this good money？ Or three months
in a row？ Then we can afford to take three or four months off
and everybody can . . . After the first month I can get just
enough ahead, but if I had two more months, man, I'll get ahead.
'Cause I'm not living very extravagantly, I'll tell you for sure
. .
13.Uncle Meat Film Excerpt, Pt 1
0：00
FZ：We're shooting the uh, title sequence for Uncle Meat right
now, which is the name of the Mothers of Invention movie that
we've been working on for about three years . . . without too
much success.
Don：Boy, we really need a hit single . . . Just think, I mean,
the way the world's going today . . . with all the problems in
it . . . I think I can actually change the world, because it's
the young people that really need to be changed, and, and you
can really do that through music and everything . . . This was
our last hit single . . . it was really a bummer, they wouldn't
even play it on the radio . . . Oh, well, gotta come up with
something better than that . . .
1：34
Don： Good evening, this is Biff Debris.
Phyllis： You know . . . it's too much, I know.
Don： Coming to you from the motel.
Phyllis： Look at that monster.
Don： Where . . .
FZ： Ha ha ha ha!
Phyllis： What are they laughing about？ He looks so beautiful
when they laugh . . .
Don： That's what my psychiatrist used to say . . .
Phyllis： Twelve years. It's the same story there with that song,
I don't know what I'm doing, but look, look at the way he's
changing . . . Oh, I remember that in the shower, the first time
with the hamburger. Oh, that was good . . . But, I don't know,
twelve years marriage, you get tired of the same thing. But I
don't know, I can try it again sometime. Oh, look there's
Minnesota! He was a great guy, Minnesota Tishman . . .
Don： We're coming to the beginning of a new era
Phyllis： He was a nice guy . . .
Don： Don't you feel it coming？
Phyllis： He was, he was okay in this time. He's washed up now, I
heard about it though.
2：20
Ray： What is it you're doing, Mr. Tishman？
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it
Aynsley： . . . pool？
Phyllis： You know what I used to do？ I used to watch him eat,
and while he was eating I would ask him what he's doing.
Haskell Wexler： What the hell are we doing in this bathroom？
FZ： I'm going to . . . While you stand there and take pictures
of that, I'm gonna tell you the, the plot of the movie. Alright.
Basically what we're going to do, today, is spend some time
around the house while you meet the people that you're going to
be photographing for the rest of the week . . . and we discuss
some of the absurdities . . .
Haskell Wexler： Absurdities？
FZ： Yes, we're just dealing with the . . . the absurdities of
making the movie in the first place and especially about the
Mothers of Invention . . .
3：20
Guy From Alabama： You wanna have a circle-jerk？
Aynsley： The who？
Guy From Alabama： Circle-jerk.
Aynsley： A circle jerk？ What's that？
Guy From Alabama： That's where you get everybody around and bet
yer meat and see who can get it the fastest.
Aynsley： Yeah？
Guy From Alabama： Yeah, and whoever wins gets nineteen kegs
Aynsley： Nineteen who？
Guy From Alabama： Kegs, you know . . .
Aynsley： Cakes of what？
Meredith： Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Aynsley： Cakes. Cheers. Yeah, anyway.
FZ： What could that possibly mean . . . hmmm, I wonder what
happens if you go like this . . .
3：42
Ray： What is it that you're doing with this？
Carl： I'm using the . . .
FZ： You know what I used to do？ I used to watch him eat. And
while he was eating, I would talk to him while he was eating,
and I would ask him what he's doing. And he would say, 'I'm
using the chicken to measure it.'
Phyllis： Ok . . .
Don： Can I borrow your comb？
Phyllis： You know what I used to do？
Ray： What are you doing with that？
Phyllis： I used to watch him eat.
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Phyllis： You know, you know what I used to do？ I used to watch
him eat. And while he was eating, I would ask him, 'What are you
doing？'
FZ： Do it again.
Ray： Why is he using a chicken to measure it？
Phyllis： And he would say, 'I'm using the chicken to measure
it.' What did he mean by that？
Ray： . . . he's using the chicken to measure it
Phyllis： Till this day I don't know what he's talking about . .
.
FZ： Do it again.
Phyllis： That Tishman. That Minnesota Tishman . . . What a guy .
. .
4：22
Guy From Alabama： Eight inches or less？
Aynsley： Uh . . . eight inches.
Guy From Alabama： Eight inches？ Well, I'll get your kind of
women, there, man.
Aynsley： You can？ Yes, it's cool . . .
Guy From Alabama： Oh, they got some whores there you wouldn't
believe!
Meredith： Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama： You can just . . . fall right in.
Aynsley： But do they play pool？
4：32
Phyllis： What a guy, what a sense of humour . . . The way he
used to . . . let me get back to that.
FZ： Look at the way he hands that chicken . . .
Aynsley： Do you want another ball？
FZ： He had a way with that chicken . . .
Phyllis： He . . . look at the way he handles that chicken, he
had a way . . . look at the way he holds it, and fondles it, and
he put it right near his privates . . .
Aynsley： But that's cool, still
Guy From Alabama： That's cool, yeah.
Aynsley： That's cool, yeah, I sort of followed the . . .
Guy From Alabama： I'm using the chicken to measure it, though
Aynsley： You were？
Guy From Alabama： Yeah.
Aynsley： Yeah, where's the shit . . . or the white dove？
Guy From Alabama： I'm up to my knees in shit, man.
Aynsley： Really.
Guy From Alabama： There's all kind of shit, now about . . . all
smokin' shit . . .
5：00
Massimo： And now, we are going to translate： 'This is my left
hand.' Repeat after me： 'Questa e' la mia mano sinistra.' And
now： 'This is my right hand.' Repeat after me： 'Questa e' la mia
mano destra.'
Ray： What is it you're doing？
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it. Have you ever used a
chicken to measure it？
Meredith： Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama： I f＊＊ked a chicken . . .
5：25
Don： We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the
development of the inner self is the most important thing. We
have to train ourselves. So that we can improvise on anything： a
bird, a sock, a fuming beaker. This is, this too can be music.
Anything can be music.
FZ： Hello？ Yeah, are you busy？ Well I was wondering --this is
Frank-- can you come, yeah, can you come over here and be in our
uh, teen-age movie？ Okay, well, I'll tell you what the action is
. . .
Phyllis： He's eating.
FZ： Ok, he's eating, you see . . . Don Preston . . . Well, it
depends, mostly it's a hamburger, sometimes, well he doesn't
wanna eat the hamburger, 'cause he's a vegetarian . . . Okay
now, Phyllis is here . . . Phyllis . . .
Phyllis： Who's Phyllis？
FZ： No, no, no, Phyllis is the girl that's the, my assistant
editor on the, on the film . . . Yeah, she used to be Tom
Wilson's secretary . . . Ok . . . You remember Tom Wilson were
gonna run for President？
6：51
Aynsley： You're Tom Wilson？
Carl： Yeah.
Aynsley： Yeah？
Carl： Then she came out here work on the Woodstock festival.
Ray： What are you doing with that chicken？
Carl： And then uh, then . . .
Ray： I was measuring the ball.
Carl： Then Frank hired her to work on the Mothers movie.
7：00
Phyllis： Hi, I'm Phyllis Altenhaus, and I'm working with Frank
Zappa on his film Uncle Meat, in Hollywood. I'm a little nervous
doing this 'cause it's the first time I'd even been a star in a
film. I originally started working for Frank as his assistant
editor on the film Uncle Meat, and one day we were sitting
around watching the Festival Hall shots, the rushes, and I saw
Don come on the screen --Don Preston plays the monster-- and I
said, 'Frank, look at Don! He's turning into a monster! I'm
gonna vomit!'
FZ： When she sees him turning into a monster she has to vomit.
Phyllis： Frank said, 'That's it, that's the opening of the line,
that, that, I mean, that's the opening of the picture.' I said,
'Frank, I can't be in your picture, first of all, I have such a
bad Brooklyn accent, I'm embarrased by the whole thing!' And he
said, 'Don't worry, you'll do it.' So, you know, with Frank, he
has a certain way about him, I mean he just gets people to do
these things.
Don： He just makes me sick when he changes into a monster.
Phyllis： Why？ Why does he make you sick？
Don： Oh, can't you see it how, how . . . ugly it is that, being
that monster？ Oh, just, I can't stand it, I, I think I'm gonna
be sick, I have to vomit.
FZ： She just, she tells me she has to vomit, see. She's trying
to make me believe that it makes her sick when he turns into a
monster.
Phyllis： There's something about that that gets me so nauseous,
I don't know what it is. Look at that, look at that.
FZ： Yeah, but it's not true. Well, you see, it gets her hot.
Phyllis： There's something so sexy about him. When he comes on
that stage, I get so hot just looking at him drinking that, that
smoke stuff, I don't know what it is. I don't even care if he
turns into a monster, I love it . . .
Don： Oh dear!
Phyllis： Look at that, oh him with the cape, but he doesn't, he
walks away. It's such a hot move and he, he's so terrific when
he goes back to that gong, oh, that's so nice . . . Boy, I hope
no one ever finds out I love it so much, that hot monster . . .
oh, ooh . . .
Don： You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most
manipulating person I've ever seen.
Phyllis： I don't like to be called manipulating, that's for
sure, but I like to think of myself as being hot.
FZ： She gets hot. And then she runs into the toilet, and she
stands in front of the mirror and she makes faces to herself so
she can turn into a monster. Isn't it cute？ That's right, then,
when she does that, and she's having a fantasy that she's
turning into a monster, the monster comes out of the toilet from
behind her.
9：30
Phyllis： Oh . . . a little lower, please.
Don： How do you work all those controls in there？ That's really
fantastic . . .
Phyllis： Oh, it's nothing.
Don： All of those buttons and switches . . .
Phyllis： It's nothing. Look, look what's going on there! Oh . .
. oh, wow, this . . .
Don： I just can't see how a girl could do all that.
Phyllis： Oh, now with the, the Women's Liberation Front we can
do anything, you're kidding？ Oh . . . oh! It's so good!
Don： This girl obviously has some sort of demented problem in
where she, she likes uh, monsters that drink foamy vile liquid
and uh transform. It must be some uh, connection in her past, in
her childhood of something. Maybe her father didn't demonstrate
enough uh, affection for her. It's a . . .
Phyllis： Oh . . . it's been so long . . .
Don： Tell me, did your father demonstrate any affection for you？
Phyllis： I've been watching you on the screen for four weeks . .
. Finally, my monster . . . Is it real？ Is it really you？ Oh
that feels, oh, monster, can I have a bite off of your apple？
Don： Mm . . . I think that uh . . .
Phyllis： It's so nice to be here with a monster finally . . .
Don： It must be uh, her mother and father probably told her that
she's real ugly and awkward and dumb and everything . . .
Phyllis： It's a good apple, monster.
Don： And so she relates to people that are ugly, dumb and
awkward.
Phyllis： Let me take off your hat so I can really see what's
happening underneath there. Just what I thought, a monster head.
Don： You'll find this is quite common in uh, today's society
Phyllis： It's like Adam and Eve and the apple . . . Finally,
here's my monster . . . after all this time . . .
Don： That's why monster movies are so popular, you know？
Phyllis： I'd waited and waited . . .
Don： D'you know how many a monster movie costs to make？
Phyllis： And there he is, he's right here.
Don： Monster movies really cost a lot of money.
Phyllis： Sitting with me, I can't believe it! Is it really you,
monster？
Don： And our young society today goes to all these monster
movies and they see them on television night after night.
Phyllis： It's so terrific to be with the monster.
Don： We're raising a new generation of monster lovers.
Phyllis： I've been waiting so long for the monster . . . Maybe
this'll be the real thing.
12：20
Don： He's changing into a monster! You should see this! God, I
get so hot!
Aynsley： Would you like a quick vibrator？ Now you've ruined the
whole thing
Carl： Have I？ I'll take one down!
Aynsley： Oh, cheers . . .
Carl： I thought you get the walking four balls.
Aynsley： No no . . .
Carl： It's difficult to walk on three.
Don： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Carl： Don？
Don： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Aynsley： Charles.
Phyllis： Aynsley Dunbar, who's playing with Frank now, this real
English popstar, very attractive guy, and he's like into a whole
groupie thing with whips and things, don't ask me, and Frank got
this great idea, actually he gets this great idea for me, to
have Aynsley in the Hollywood Ranch Market, which we just did
last night, hit him with toilet brushes. It's, it's a little
dumb but I went along with it, you know, what else are you gonna
do？ You're getting paid and uh, you do these things.
13：19
Phyllis： Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser .
. . cleanser . . .
Aynsley： Hello, there!
Phyllis： Cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley： Say, could you do me a favour？ Could you beat me with a
toilet brush？
Phyllis： Beat you with a toilet brush？
Aynsley： Shhh . . . someone might hear . . . yes, beat me with a
toilet brush.
Phyllis： What's your name？
Aynsley： Ah, hello, my name is Aynsley Dunbar and I, I'm very
interested in whips and canes, etc. I'm gonna fill, fill you in
about uh, my background.
FZ： Are you absolutely serious about this？ You really like whips
and canes？
Aynsley： Oh yeah, yeah.
FZ： And you like--？
Aynsley： I didn't have too much chance to use 'em here, as yet,
because it's, you know the screams and that, would most likely
wake the kids up! No, actually I'm moving on though to toilet
brushes and things, 'cause I think they'll be coming in this
year . . . definitely.
Phyllis： You want me to beat you with the toilet brush？
Aynsley： Yes.
Phyllis： I mean like uh, I'm ready!
14：37
Phyllis： You know, I'll tell you something, I find myself
saying, 'I'm ready,' you know, and like, I slap my face when I'm
saying, 'I'm ready,' because it's like uh, in the house I'm
saying, 'I'm ready,' you know？ And . . . there has to be a
limit.
Phyllis： That's a whip, I guessed right, you know I saw this
handle sticking up here and I like, I, I guessed it right on
first, you know？ Like I know . . .
FZ： Beat him while you're talking.
Phyllis： You know like . . . I tell you something. I hope it's
not getting your kidney or anything like that.
Aynsley： Oh look, keep, keep, just keep it high, just keep it
high.
Phyllis： You know what I mean？ I got worried about those things,
I got . . . you know I'm humane, Aquarius and all this . . .
Aynsley： That's great . . . that's. . .
Phyllis： Venus is arising, you know, I'm humane.
Aynsley： Just keep it high. Oh, love it, yeah, right.
Phyllis： Uhm . . . well, let's see . . .
FZ： Ask him, 'Does it get you hot？'
Phyllis： Is it getting you hot？
Aynsley： Oh, maybe it would do if I had another 'bout fifteen
people.
15：20
Don： I know what gets you hot. Hamburgers get you hot, 'cause I
picked you up in the pool hall!
Phyllis： You don't know what gets me hot, you don't have the
faintest idea what gets me hot!
Don： Sure! Hamburgers! Look at this . . .
Phyllis： I can't take it . . .
Don： See that？
Phyllis： I can't take it . . . oh, God, that hamburger!
Don： But you don't know what gets me hot.
Phyllis： I'd bet I know what gets you hot. Sticks, sticks on
your body on a table get you hot.
Don： I'm getting hot! . . . When I was drinking the potion . . .
and that hat and that cape and everything . . . just incredible
. . . I'd . . . wonder what it's like to, to change into a
monster . . . it must be really great.
Phyllis： It's just so wonderful. Give me a bite of the apple
there . . . Mmm, oh, my monster! Oh, that's so terr-- Oh! I love
that, when a monster does that, mm . . . Well, I've just been
thinking, monster, we can take rides in the country in the
Volkswagen . . . and, my monster, you're feeling me up, my
monster.
FZ： It does get you hot.
Phyllis： Well . . . it doesn't get me hot.
FZ： I saw you laying on the floor in the corner with him!
Phyllis： I, it wasn't me laying in the corner! That was, that
wasn't me!
FZ： Ha ha . . . Who was it？
Phyllis： That was Sheba! It wasn't me!
FZ： Who is Sheba？ Ha ha!
Phyllis： Sheba is the one that's in love with Don.
17：09
Don： And why, why do you like monsters？
Phyllis： It's, it's not their looks, it's the intellectual thing
that comes across, you know, you could tell that, I, looks
aren't important to me, it's something about the intelligence.
When you mix that potion, you know when I've seen you mix that
potion, I don't know, it's the intellectual way I get hot.
Don： Yeah, but what causes this？
Phyllis： You know what I mean？
Don： I mean, well . . .
Phyllis： It's, it's hotness.
17：39
Phyllis： It used to be very, it was really nice and quiet in
this place, that's why I came here, because of the feeling like,
like a place to get away from things, and now what's going on,
it's like all noise and . . . I don't know, it doesn't . . .
wherever you go nowadays it's the same thing, all these guys
they're so disgusting, I can't stand it . . .
Don： Look, anybody . . . anybody sitting here？
Phyllis： No! Go right ahead, sit down!
Don： Thanks. Anybody drinking this beer in here？
Phyllis： No, I don't know what the bartender . . . he just left
it there, I don't know what's going on . . .
Don： My name is Biff Debris.
Phyllis： Oh, hi! Sheba Flieschman.
Don： How d'you do？
Phyllis： So and uh, your name is Biff Debris.
Don： Yeah.
Phyllis： You know, funny thing, if we got married my name would
be Sheba DeBiff.
Don： My name is Biff Debris, not Debris DeBiff.
Phyllis： Debris？
Don： Yeah.
Phyllis： Biff Debris . . . well, I'll tell you something, I once
knew someone whose name was Dubois. It, it sort of sounds like
Debris, you know what I mean？ Like, is that French, or what？
Don： Well, actually I'm part Mohawk and part Norwegian.
Phyllis： Excuse me. Is the hamburger ready yet？
Don： What sign are you？
Phyllis： Uh, I'm Aquarius with Venus rising on my past.
Don： Really？
Phyllis： Yeah. It's really good sign because it's the Aquarian
age now, you know？ And like, it's all coming together. You know
what I mean by coming together？
Don： Yeah.
Phyllis： I think since I came from New York, you know, I'm
really . . .
Don： Are you from New York？
Phyllis： Yeah, you can't tell! Huh？
Don： No . . .
Phyllis： I tell you something, so it really means that I'm
losing my accent, you know, because the other day I was talking
to someone and they couldn't guess either, well, I asked them, I
said to them, 'Where do you think I'm from？' And you know they
said, they said, 'New Jersey,' you know, so, and New Jersey
accent is really completely different, you know？ Like, it
depends so, if you come from Patterson, it's different from
Trenton and Orange County, but you know, I say 'Orange' like
this, 'Orange,' 'cause that's in California they say, 'Orange,'
you know？
Don： What's the, what's the matter with uh, Debris？
Phyllis： That's one thing I stayed away from.
Don： Alright, you're free . . .
Phyllis： I think that you can really be high on your own
intellectual stratification.
Don： Hamburgers.
Phyllis： Don't say hamburgers, it gets me so hot . . .
Don： But you don't know what gets me hot, you see . . .
Phyllis： I know what gets you hot!
Don： No, no . . .
Phyllis： I saw it in the pool hall
Don： You saw that？
Phyllis： Yeah!
Don： That isn't what does it, you see. It really isn't.
Phyllis： Well, well, what is it？ You know, like if it's not
that, then what is it？
Don： Well . . .
Phyllis： Well, don't be embarrassed! You can tell me, you know？
Like I'm . . .
Don： Showers.
Phyllis： Showers？
Don： Showers.
Phyllis： Well, okay, you know, I can go see that, I can see, I
can understand showers.
Don： Not, not nude showers.
Phyllis： What you mean not nude showers？
Don： It's gotta be a special shower, you know.
Phyllis： What kind of shower？
Don： With these special clothes on it.
Phyllis： You mean, you wear clothes when you . . . ？
Don： These clothes! These are the clothes . . .
Phyllis： These are the clothes that you . . . ？
Don： Right here . . .
Phyllis： There are clothes in there for me for the shower？
20：47
Phyllis： Say he devised this plan, this is how this clothes and
the shower thing all came by, because I was too embarrassed to
stand in the shower. First roll, you know, I'm not gonna be
standing naked but, the whole thing's taking out, so I figured,
'Okay, I'll wear dungarees and a shirt.' And, and anyway to tell
you the truth I think it's sexier because, you see like just a
little outline . . . tiny little bit, you know, like, poinnnng!
Phyllis： I don't understand it, but it's like . . .
Don： I mean . . .
Phyllis： It's your trip, man! You know？ Like, it's alright with
me, you know？ I don't care.
Don： And this children's belt with the little holes in it. Look
at those pants!
Phyllis： Ooh, but what has this . . . do with the holes! I mean,
you know, like I hope they fit up.
Don： It'll be good . . .
Phyllis： You know, like, okay, I'll try, I don't care, I'll try
anything!
21：26
FZ： Hi, Phyllis, why don't you want to take your clothes off
with the monster？
Phyllis： Because I'm embarrassed to.
FZ： What's there to be embarrassed about？
Phyllis： Well, I've never done that before, and I don't wanna do
it now!
FZ： But why don't you wanna do it？
Phyllis： I'd rather not. There's no reason, I'd just rather not.
FZ： But what's the matter？ You got an ugly body？
Phyllis： No, I have a great body. I just don't wanna do it.
FZ： But why don't you wanna do it if you've got a great body？
Don't you wanna share it with the world？
Phyllis： No, I don't wanna share it with the world.
Phyllis： So I did it, and it was, I tell you, I was getting hot,
see my shirt？
Phyllis： I'm ready! I got the shirt, I got the pants, and I got
the belt with that little yellow holes, you know？ And I'm hot!
Don： And I got the bun and the hamburger and the relish and the
orange and I've got my clothes off and I'm hot!
Phyllis： Oh, come on!
Don： You know how many times we . . . ？ I go down to Mr. Pocket
three times a week, trying to find somebody that'll wear these
clothes in the shower.
Phyllis： How do they look on me？
Don： Oh . . .
Phyllis： You like it？
Don： They're great, you know. I had those clothes in the
refrigerator for about two months now.
Phyllis： Where is the hamburger？ Just give me a bite, mmh . . .
it's so great, you don't meet guys . . .
Don： Oh, it's disgusting . . .
Phyllis： You don't meet guys who get you off with hamburgers,
I'm saying I'm really happy that mmmm . . .
Don： Oh, the two of us really make a great couple!
Phyllis： I know, me with my clean clothes and the hamburger and
everything like that, well, you know, we can go places.
Don： Yeah.
Phyllis： You want me to wash your hair？ While you, just hold the
hamburger first, you know, while I wash your hair . . .
Don： Do you want me to wash it to you？
Phyllis： Well, I don't know, I wasn't planning on it, it's
alright, you can wash my back . . . mm, so nice the shower . . .
Don： I can't bear it.
Phyllis： Especially, especially, especially if you . . .
Don： Some people are really weird.
Phyllis： Pull it on my back, just a little bit, it won't, it
won't hurt, just a little bit over there, this side, it's
terrific, with the hamburger.
23：21
Phyllis： Hamburger meat . . . Hhhh . . . Oh . . .
FZ： Wouldn't that be better if you had your clothes off then you
can uh, enforce him on your arms？
Phyllis： No, I . . . don't need my clothes off, I can get the
gratification that I want just like this.
Phyllis： Oh, doesn't that feel good, oh, it's so great. I'm so
glad that I met you today . . .
Don： Mmmm . . .
Phyllis： And this hamburger . . .
Don： Do you mind if I rub some of this in your hair？
Phyllis： Oh I don't mind, let me just take out that little thing
here, mmm . . .
Don： Oh, boy . . .
Phyllis： A little bit, wait, it's, but I don't know, do you have
cream rinse here？ . . . this strip I won't be able to . . .
Don： Cream rinse？
Phyllis： Yeah . . . 'cause I . . .
Don： Eugh!
Phyllis： I won't be, let me see how it feels with the soap.
FZ： Whi-whi-which parts get you the hottest that can be rushed
with the hamburger？
Phyllis： Well I think uh . . . what part!
Don： Oh, I love this with hamburgers under the clothes.
24：12
Don： You're getting hot, come on.
Phyllis： Oh, am I hot, over this hamburger! Oh, I think of my uh
. . .
Don： For a hundred dollars you're getting hot.
Phyllis： Oh, am I hot! I'm so hot! Hhh . . . I'm so hot from
this hamburger, oh . . .
FZ： Get hot!
Phyllis： I'm so hot!
FZ： Under, under . . . Ha ha ha ha!
Don： Undulate.
FZ： Look!
Don： You . . . it's getting better.
Phyllis： Where's the hamburger？ Just . . . those . . .
FZ： Hamburgers with soap are good.
Phyllis： Ha-a . . . let me take a little bite, mmm . . .
delicious! Let me put it in here so I don't loose it. I don't
wanna in case I wanna little piece after, could you do my back？
Don： Oh yeah . . .
Phyllis： Underneath the shirt, don't be bashful, I, oh, I know
it makes you hot, like if you keep . . .
Don： Yeah, I like the shirt better. I'll wash the shirt.
Phyllis： Oh, let me take a little bit of the hamburger
FZ： Ha ha!
Phyllis： You know, the last guy that I was with he just had
Ground Choc, you know what Ground Choc tastes like in the
shower, man . . .
FZ： Ha ha ha ha!
Don： Oh . . .
Phyllis： This is odd meat, where did you get this？
FZ： Ha ha ha!
Phyllis： Just like the health food stuff, are you a health food
person？ You know, like . . .
Don： No, I am Uncle Meat!
Phyllis： You are Uncle Meat？
25：24
Phyllis： And because you're the main man with the burgers . . .
FZ： 'And the burger's my trip.'
Phyllis： And the burger's my trip and is such a groove, I wanna
show my appreciation and I wanna clean your bathroom . . . the
cleanser . . .
FZ： 'I am going to the Hollywood Ranch . . . '
Phyllis： I'm going to the Hollywood Ranch Market and I'm gonna
buy the cleanser.
Don： And because you have worn the clothes . . .
Phyllis： Cleanser . . .
Don： That got me hot, the shirt . . .
Phyllis： Cleanser . . .
Don： The pants and the little brown belt, children's belt with
the holes in it . . .
Phyllis： Cleanser . . .
Don： I will . . .
Phyllis： Cleanser . . .
Don： Accept your offer to go to the Hollywood Ranch Market . . .
Phyllis： Cleanser . . .
Don： And get the cleanser and clean my bathroom.
26：06
Janet： He's from that group Cleanser. He looks pretty kinky. Too
bad we didn't have our garters on.
Janet ＆ Lucy： EEEEEEEUH!
Janet： Oh, what do you expect from work in this joint.
Lucy： Ooh Janet, he has a vibrator! Now, ooh . . . Eeeuhh! Ha ha
ha! Ah . . . ah . . . aaaaaaAAAAH! Ooh wha . . . ooh! Hhh . . .
aaahhh . . .
26：44
Don： We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel,
where we have been working secretly on a new composition in the
back room, in our secret chambers. 'Cause everything is secret.
We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world,
you see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing
all the problems, so we have to get a composition and, I'm sure
that it's going to be a hit single, because everyone is going
out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
FZ： 'You remember our other single 'The Bun'？'
Don： Yeah, you remember our other single, 'The Bun'？ See, this,
this was our last composition . . .
Aynsley： Plugging it in . . .
Don： And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh, some of the
members of the group couldn't read music, you see？ But we got it
all straightened out and, some of them quit and everything but .
. .
Aynsley？： A few holes in the Brothers . . .
Don： Uh, with our new arrangement we really hope to do big
things, you know？ Like we hope to change every single person's
karma and that in turn will change and upgrade all the ecology
problems, all the polution and all the air and everything, you
know？ And this right here is the composition I was speaking of
and uh, this is the guitar part, this is the vocal, this is the
bass part, and this little section over here could be for the
dancer, but she keeps quitting all the time so we don't really
know uh, if she's gonna be in it which she is now or just take
it out like that. Now, it's very difficult to compose this type
of thing, because like, the slightest movement that you can make
of one single article could define whether it's underground or
real commercial, see？ If we put the sock over here it's more
commercial than if it were over here, then it's real
underground, you understand？ So we take you now to the motel,
where the group is deep in . . . just deep.
28：56
Motorhead： . . . straightest member is the writer, you know what
I . . .
Don： Hey, listen you guys, I would like just . . .
Meredith： These guys can work together.
Don： Talk about the arrangement here
Aynsley： How about that new drum solo you just worked out？
Don： I've got a new composition.
Meredith： It's rhythmic, huh？
Motorhead： Now that's beautiful.
Don： Listen . . . Silence, fools! . . . SILENCE, FOOLS! Don't
you believe in progress？
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ？： Take that progress and stick it under a rock!
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the
chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it
. . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the
chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it
. . . I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ： What are you doing with the chicken？
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ： What are you doing with the chicken？
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead： Outta site! That's outta site!
Meredith： That's beautiful!
FZ： What are you doing with the chicken？
Carl： I'm using . . .
Don： That's what we need for our new song.
Meredith： That was a good composition!
Motorhead： We got it!
Aynsley： Can you write one like that then？
Don： I did! Well . . .
Ray？： You would？ I mean . . .
Don： At last night, that's . . .
Ray： That's when he starts in with the guitar . . . ？
Don： Now look . . .
Ray： Then he comes in with his guitar solo？
Don： You guys, do you see this over here？
Ray： Why does he have this？
Don： Can you see this over here？ This is the new composition
that we're going to make a hit single with.
Aynsley： What's it called, 'Junk Shuffle'？
Don： No . . .
Ray： 'Junkyard.'
Aynsley： What's it called？
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ： It's called 'We're using the chicken to measure it.'
Carl： I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Don： Right, 'We're using the chicken to measure it.' Well, I
couldn't get a chicken, I, all I got was . . .
Motorhead： That would be the title. Ray's got a chicken.
Aynsley： Yeah!
Motorhead： You can use Ray's chicken to measure it.
Don： But uh . . .
FZ： No, no, that's part of the concept, you're using the chicken
to measure the pitch in？
Aynsley： It's what I choose.
Don： Oh, I see, yeah, are we using the chicken to measure it？
Motorhead： Or drumming？
Don： I'll show you, this is . . .
Ray： How about a sock？
Motorhead： I thought it was cooler.
Don： This is the guitar part, right here.
Motorhead： Then let me see . . .
Aynsley： Pull her.
Motorhead： It's that what I play？ That's my part.
Don： That's your part.
Motorhead： Oh, that A . . .
Don： And this is a new concept.
Motorhead： I can't learn that by tomorrow, man, there's no way.
Don： Tonight.
Motorhead： I can't learn it tonight!
Don： Listen, I got the time booked.
Motorhead： I can't even . . .
Aynsley： Tonight？ OW!
Don： At the Hollywodd Ranch Market tonight, man!
Meredith： That's pretty heavy, man.
Aynsley： But tonight？!
Meredith： That's pretty heavy . . .
Motorhead： My strings are flat, my pickups are shot, do Herbie
wouldn't give us an advance so I can buy some new strings and an
amp？
Don： Listen, I'll take care of everything.
30：52
Don： You see, Countess, the problem is uh, it's very hard to
talk about but, the guys need equipment, you know like he needs
batteries and uh, and, and uh, needs strings for his guitar, you
know？ And, and some of the electronic equipment needs boosting
and uh, we have a good prog and everything, you know？ I just
wanted to find out if we could get any awr . . . nng . . . gnn .
. . Do you have a pencil and a paper？ Uh huh . . . thanks . . .
Francesca： Royalties？
Don： GNG! MMnnnngrgGGL! Sorry, would you mind not using that
word？ It's a . . .
Francesca： Who cares about royalties？
Don： Grrah!
Francesca： Look, I've seen everybody around, The Beatles, The
Rolling Stones, Arthur Brown, and his fire and his head . . .
Oh, man, I've never got so hot as long, I've ever got so hot
until I started to, to use the chicken head to measure it with
it.
32：25
Guy From Alabama： We must say it in Alabama language, man, I
can't understand.
Another 'Guy From Alabama'： Playing that kind of music and
eating meat, you'll never . . .
Aynsley： I say . . . I say . . .
Guy From Alabama： (unintelligible shouting)
Aynsley： I say, old boy, you speak english？
Guy From Alabama： Hey man, you got any peas or beans or anything
like that？
32：38
Don： You have to admit this is different.
Motorhead： Oh I hate . . . that's a drum, that's gotta be a
drum.
Don： I mean . . . I know what it's like, to me the idea of being
commercial is doing something different.
Meredith： Bet that one's a heavy one . . .
Carl： The way they feed . . .
Don： You know？ Something people can . . . can . . .
Carl： WAH!
Don： It's not the same old thing.
Aynsley： Hey, but that, that isn't a . . .
Meredith： Have to practise . . .
Aynsley： No!
Carl： WAH!
Don： NO!
Motorhead： Look out!
Ray： Oh . . .
Don： That's it, Ray . . .
Motorhead： Chicken's in the . . .
Don： Now, use the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead： Chicken's in the . . .
Aynsley： Biff, man, how does that fit into the part, though . .
. heavy like that . . .
Meredith： And what is after into that my part there？
Don： This is the music.
Meredith： Where？ where？
Don： This, the whole thing is the music.
Meredith： Ah, but how does that one fit into all . . .
Aynsley： But there's no head, man.
Meredith： But how does that fit into all that？
Aynsley： Oh yeah, there's . . .
Ray： Are you using a chicken to measure it？
Meredith： What's the concept of this？
Motorhead： There's no way we can play it.
Meredith： What's the concept of this number？
Don： Look, look . . .
Motorhead： Not by tonight, man! It can't be done.
Aynsley： Let me . . . anyway, man, I'm going out tonight, you
know, I've got a few chicks to meet.
Motorhead： I'm going to hear the Fudge.
Don： You guys, if you wanna make a hit single and I mean, a hit
single.
Aynsley： Yeah, but all I'm saying is as long as you pay us well,
I just don't wanna know.
Don： Well, you'll get royalties.
Motorhead： You gotta get some royalties, man!
Aynsley： Royalties？
Don： Listen, you can't . . .
Ray： A monster!
Phyllis： I'm wet . . . hamburger . . .
Meredith： This is turning too confusing, I just can't understand
what all this is about, it's so confusing!
Phyllis： My monster!
Don： WARrrGH!
Phyllis： My monster! I'm ready! I got the pants, I got the
shirt, I got the belt with the little yellow holes!
33：46
Phyllis： I can't get enough of that stuff, mmm!
FZ： 'We're coming to the beginning of a new era, at the motel.'
Phyllis： Look at this over there, look . . . mmm mm . . .
Don： We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, we
have been working secretly . . .
Phyllis： Obviusly still, still the best.
Don： . . .on a new composition in the back room . . .
Phyllis： I love when he always did that . . .
Don： . . . in our secret chambers.
Phyllis： Then changed into . . . I remember that . . .
Don： 'Cause everything is secret.
Phyllis： For twelve years he's still working on the same song, I
don't know what I'm gonna do.
Don： We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole
world.
Phyllis： Still kinda get that 'The Bun' thing. I gotta stop
this, it's not good anymore.
Don： You see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's
causing all the problems.
Phyllis： Because after all we've got kids now.
Don： So we have to get a composition.
Phyllis： And we can't, he can't do this anymore, it's another
whole life.
Don： And, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single.
Phyllis： But, I can't help it, I mean he's irresistible. The guy
is irresistible.
Don： Because everyone is going out and buying our new hit
single, for this group that uh . . .
Phyllis： Look at that face, over there . . .
FZ： 'You remember our other single 'The Bun'？'
Don： Yeah, you rem--
Phyllis： Look at that, right that, right there . . . mmm . . .
Don： Our other single, 'The Bun'？ See, this, this was our last
composition . . .
Phyllis： Oh, God! Oh, I remember that too . . . yeah . . .
Don： And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh . . .
Phyllis： Look at this, when he did that at the fare . . .
Don： Some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you
see？
Phyllis： No . . . it's better, I'll tell you something . . .
Don： But we got it all straightened out.
Phyllis： I don't know, I have to think about this, 'cause I
gotta tell him. Ah! I'll go back! I can't be bother 'cause my
mind it's too, it's too crazy, it's going, it's driving me nuts
already, I have to think about work, I have to think about him,
I have to think about . . .
Stumuk： Maybe I oughta face it, after twelve years 'The Bun'
just isn't a hit. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong. Look at him, a
musician, a natural musician. This Motorcity was a serious
little boy. Liked to pull down the shades before helping her
with the dishes.
Massimo： And that's why it didn't sell. Look at this . . .
Phyllis： Oh, look at that! I remember --let me stop that and see
how the fume was coming out of his mouth, and the way the lips,
the lips, so beautiful and the hamburger . . .
Massimo： Try to do something like that.
Stumuk： Like that？
Massimo： Maledetto figlio di puttana.
FZ： He's on television set.
Massimo： E non cagarmi il cazzo.
Stumuk： A non cacarmil catzo.
Massimo： 'Cause I have a big bunch of minchia!
Stumuk： A big bunch of minchia!
Phyllis： It's great you're learning Italian, I love . . . That's
what I want! More, a little culture, it's enough already with
'The Bun'!
Stumuk： I had, I had to change it. It wasn't right.
Massimo： These f＊＊king things didn't work, I don't know why.
Maybe, can you see all these little points, white points, on
these f＊＊king things？ You have to know that . . .
Stumuk： Can you see？
Massimo： . . . all this stuff . . .
Stumuk： Everybody's using the chicken to measure it with
nowadays, even my kids!
Massimo： . . . come from my nose, and maybe people didn't like
it.
Stumuk： No more the sock . . .
Massimo： And I just don't know why . . .
Stumuk： But 'The Bun,' the placement of 'The Bun.' It has seeds.
It's different.
Massimo： I just can't imagine why they didn't like these balls
that come from my nose, you know？ This way, tshh! And I spent a
lot of years of my life to do something like that, these f＊＊king
things, and it didn't work. What can I say？
Guy From Alabama： Far f＊＊king out! Far f＊＊king out!
Linda： Hee hee hee hee!
Rodney： Ah! I can dig it!
Guy From Alabama： DONG! DONG! I mean dong, that's what your
minchia is!
Aynsley： Your which？
Guy From Alabama： A minchia!
Aynsley： You mean your dick？
Guy From Alabama： You put your minchia in the stinky-a.
Massimo： And you know why？ 'Cause I have a big bunch of dick!
Tengo una minchia tanta! And this part of the lesson, I'm sorry,
but you can't learn, 'cause Mother Nature didn't make you
Italian.
14.Uncle Meat Film Excerpt, Pt 2
0：00
Phyllis：I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would
talk to him, and while he was eating I would ask him what he was
doing, and all he would say was, 'I'm using the chicken to
measure it.' Till this day I still don't know what he was
talking about! That Minnesota Tishman, he was some guy, but I
still never understood what he meant. The chicken to measure it,
I don't know, probably some secret thing.
Phyllis：'I'm getting hot. You're really good at those dials,
baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen. What's
he eating？ Is he turning into a monster？ Frank：But you're just
making things out of it. Don：Put it in your mouth then your
eyes. Frank：You're getting hot, come on! The last that . . . ' I
don't like this page, it's not so funny . . .
FZ： What's the difference？
Phyllis： I don't like this page, it's not so funny. 'Oh, this
gets me hot! Oh, this gets me hot! Will get hot, I can get hot
over it. Get hot over the hamburger, I can get it, you're
getting hot, oh, am I hot over this hamburger! Think am I hot,
for a hundred dollars you're getting hot, oh, am I hot, I'm so
hot, I'm so hot from this hamburger, I'm hot.'
1：08
Phyllis： Well, I'll just continue on with my work, I can't be
thinking about such things, gets me too confused. I think I need
a shower, I'm tired, I'm hot, the room air-conditioning is not
working. If you don't pay the bills, how does the
air-conditioning gonna work？ I'm going.
Massimo： And now, dear friends, we are going to translate. This
is my left hand.
Phyllis： This is . . .
Meredith： Violence!
Stumuk： This is my left hand, non？
Meredith： Violence! Ooh, I just, ooh!
Guy From Alabama： You have an orgasm？
Aynsley： No, but it just feels good!
Guy From Alabama： Can I watch？
Don： That's what we need, progress!
Aynsley： Actually I think that's uh, that's cool.
Guy From Alabama： Get the girl here in the red.
Aynsley： Yeah.
Massimo： Repeat after me： Questa è la mia mano destra
Stumuk： Questa e mia mano destra
Don： Progress!
Phyllis： Where's the prostate gland？
Massimo： Look out!
Don： Progress is our most important product.
Massimo： Guardalo che mangia! E mentre sta mangiando parlami
mentre mangi. E chiedimi cosa sta facendo.
Stumuk： Parle mi.
Massimo： Che cosa sta facendo？ Sta mangiando. Adesso chiedimi
cosa sta facendo. Sta mangiando
Stumuk： Guarda sta fachendo!
Massimo： Ma non lo posso fare.
Stumuk： Sta mangiando!
Massimo： Me ne devo andare.
Stumuk： Mene debo ndare!
Massimo： Devo tornare.
Stumuk： Dere tocnare!
Massimo： Era un senatore a trentasette anni.
Stumuk： Era un senatore de setreste año.
2：26
Guy From Alabama： What band being you playing in？
Aynsley： I played in a blues band.
Guy From Alabama： Blues band, so do I!
Aynsley： Blues.
Guy From Alabama： Blues!
Aynsley： Blues avant-garde, you know？
Guy From Alabama： Yeah, I know what you mean.
Massimo： And this is my last single.
Phyllis： Oh, what is he doing？ You still carrying on with that
song？ It's the same thing？ I can't, I can't do it anymore. I'm
going to make these louder so I don't have to hear about him.
Forget the past!
Don： I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single.
Phyllis： We're coming to the beginning of a new era, wherein the
development of the inner self. But you, what do you do？ You
watch television and you play with 'The Bun,' driving me crazy.
Leave me alone.
Stumuk： But this is twelve years later.
Phyllis： I know.
Stumuk： Have a new 'Bun.'
Phyllis： I know.
Stumuk： A better 'Bun.'
Phyllis： What kind of new 'Bun'？ You . . .
Stumuk： A brown 'Bun.'
Phyllis： Every year you tell me is a new 'Bun,' I'm tired of
this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it all up, I'm gonna go back to
New York, I'm tired of you already. Finish! I can't. No, no, no,
no. Go! Can you stop me？
FZ： I wanna do another take of the same situation from the other
side.
Carl： Let me go on the other side.
FZ： And Mr. Tishman, it's, you've gotta find . . .
Phyllis： When I remember this . . .
FZ： Yeah
Carl： Let me just see uh, 'Bun.'
FZ： Minnesota Tishman.
Phyllis： Right here.
Carl： Uh, give me the, give me . . . first . . .
Phyllis： I remember that guy . . .
FZ： Isn't he handsome？
Phyllis： Yeah.
FZ： He was using the chicken to measure it.
Haskell Wexler： Can I stop now, Frank？
FZ： Sure.
Haskell Wexler： Okay, cut the cam.
19.King Kong V
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